Un-lost

Finding them made the evening heavier than anything.
The letters, his thoughts, my pain.
Lifeless yet breathing softly, I never doubted those memories have ceased to live, but they did.

There is only so much the mind can take, I guess.
But they are still there where I can see and touch them, anytime.

missing sachiko

i miss u....dearest z...
hope u r happy and safe....

be happy and safe....

Cheers needed

Dear Me:

can u smile like u did yesterday?
can u be happy like a bird flying free?
can u ever........

answer ME, coz i need the cheer to carry on.

good day?

how's your day? mine got better......

Clean

long while since i blogged...
maybe it's not so much a part of my life....
sign..

watched Clean yesterday. a tad bland if you ask me, but it's not too bad catching it in a deserted theatre.
the mood is good....tinge of decadence, hahaha.
i think we all need to be cleansed. not the dirt and grime part, but spiritually and emotionally.
into our bags and pockets go so much emotional debris, mindless gunk and nonsensical crap.
it's hard to come clean with ourselves, let alone the world. and anyway, in this huge universal rubbish dump, we can take care and should take care of ourselves first. that's before you go meddle with others, isn't it?

these days i am having writing block.
as it gets painful to bullshit, i wonder how am i to go on.
duh. duh. duh.
can cry buckets, but i get so tired after that.

Need to get CLean.

Radience...cough cough

I feel sick.
Am SICK.
yet it's really the time to be radiant....
To shine coz it's the holz!

BLEAH...

Drift

Can I ever catch the drift of this crazy business I am in?
We give it a nice name and yet it stinks sometimes.
Oh dear.

We'll drift in the big blue sea........lost in the pursuit.

sigh........

Dull

It rained.
Stopped.
Looks gloomy.
When will it fall again?

Sora no namida yo.
Tears of the sky.

I am waiting.

2046

caught it.
the WKW movie....after 5 years of waiting.
TL looks good..so does kimura.
faye? u bet.....she always looks cool.

but the way WKW did it, somehow i don't think he outdid himself....
could be better, if TL dun keep sprouting corny stuff
and save some mystery for viewers.

u know.....just like chung king express or Ah Fei Zheng Zhuan....a bit of suspense is good.
is it a rush effort for Cannes?
i can't help wondering.

hope i'll live to 2046 and i can figure out what the whole hullaballo about seeking memory is about.....

feeling chicken

it's the time again,
i feel a little "cheep cheep" about life and
what's in it.

dunno what's comin' up,
dunno who's passin' by.

yeah, so i 'm chicken abt my life..u gonna laugh.
betta do it quick,
b4 my cheepy facade passes...

AND I AM FEROCIOUS AGAIN!!!

======> (hahaha.....)

The State of affairs II

The matter is in dire straits.
Where is the route out?
A fire escape, a hole to crawl out.
There is so little dignity left.....

No less wisdom

I lost a wisdom tooth.
Had surgery and waved goodbye to it.
3 teeth cried, I think.
I couldn't.
My face was half numb, unfeeling.
It actually feels good......to lose touch.....with the world.
cold, hot, pain, comfort..
Point blank in emptiness.

And I am no less wise!

To my tooth: u will be remembered for your valence, courage and resiliance....
And for gnawing this hole in my bank account!

Bland

Tasteless is the mundanity
of Life
in the fast track

There lies so little bliss or joy
I wish
to have some more tears or laughter

lemme gooooo.......

cheese rings

Sinned in orange
Munched in joy
.........cheese rings!
*******************************************************************************************************************

Murakami Haruki's fascination with pasta in his novels got me going about cheese rings...
A fetish about a certain food is nourishment to body and mind, I guess (who cares a damn about junk food? Haha!).

Excuses, you may say. But I do admit I go into lull periods, to just grow *fat* and then work my toes off to thin down. Isn't this like a fine game? Maybe I am just weird....but who isn't, man, who ain't lacking a nut and a bolt in their grey matter?

........C-H-E-E-S-E!!!
dun juz say it, HIT it!!!

At peace

Going nowhere
Doing nothing
Wanting nothing

Just at ease with this moment

Scene 3

Entered Autumn.

The walk down the lane was long.
A minute long.
A step apart.
And our world together ended.

The state of affairs

I cannot believe it has come to this.
A sacred profession known as education is now scarred and trampled by the very people who stand to benefit from it!

We have hearts too, guys, we can be hurt too.
The atrocity that can be achieved by the human heart!!! I shrudder to think, how chilled mine feels.

To H

Dear H:

I am going.
Out of our co-existence.
To transcend another spatial realm, one without you.

I cannot forestall this any more.
I cease to be able to bear the weight
Of our tribulations together.

Doldrum

I am in one now.....

Simply unenergized. lethargic. dead to the world.
there is not an ounce of inspiration and i don't know why.
days stretch ahead......i am simply flat out.

A doldrum.......

Scene 2

Everyday I am walking around searching.
Where is the Dream?

He is gone.
Beyond my sight.

Where am I then?

Scene 1

"You cannot do that," He said.
"You must forget me."

To live on? I cannot accept the reasoning.

Under a crying tree, the story unfolds...

Reborn

The world melts into shapeless bliss.
My universe is reborn.

Remembering to forget

Remembering is important, for forgetting to set in.

There is always a time
I wish to say "Thank you"
For everything you have given me.

Memories live on
Because we will them so.
We live on
Because we have memories.

Remembering a leaf's fall
A rabbit's paw on after-rain grass
A wolf's cry in the far dark night
On top of everything, love.

The Invisible and Intrinsic mean more to me
Than the Seen and Touchable

As the song goes
To Live is to prove Love is indeed there
The wolf cries in loneliness
Someone responds
Likewise.


The rain falls, then forgets to pour..

Heart is open

The doors are open.
Knock before you enter

Do you have an open heart?
Waiting for a salvation real and soft.
For I am weary,
Oh so weak and tired from struggling...

My heart is open.
Love before you depart.

Numb

Why is it I feel so strange?
A Death that brushes by so lightly
Can cause mayhem
Of the Greatest intensity.

Why is it I am Alive?
Hung on a thread so feather-light and
Carelessly loose
On a beam of Eternal Light.

Numb.
Un-feeling.
Incapable.
Of sensing any danger or love.


I am the Spirit of the Wind,
Trapped for a moment in Human form

Moon Over My Head

Today is Mid-Autumn Festival.

A night of reunion and togetherness.
This is so negligible now. Who craves eating with Dad and Mom?
Well, I do.
It's a wonderful experience...admiring a lovely night with the folks.
Mooncakes are getting fancier, but I like the same old taste.
Homely. Sweet. Nostalgic.

And I am glad the rain cleared up.
Autumn-ish feel in the air. Nice.
I feel relieved. Of the crapload I lug around all day, this thing we term "WORK".
The twisted spirit straightens up.
I binge.
Whine about getting fat.
Laugh over it.
All in the confines of my home and
within a radius of 1 metre of a double yolk mooncake!

YAY.
Awaiting the moon to go over my head.
Shiny. Pale. Shimmering.

Happy MAF!
(oops..wrong smiley......who cares though :P)

Forever?

Dearest you:

We know sands have poor memories.
Our footsteps will not stay, will not be etched in her mind forever.

What is forever?
A citric fragrance that lingers so briefly?
A song that reasonates softly in the dark?
A finger that is drunk on a loving touch?

What is?

We walk the forgetful path of Time, losing our own consciousness
as each step dissolves.

You look at the moon, overhead.
Bending low, a pure shaft dies in your empty grasp.
That, is forever.

Dear you:

We will go on in our strides.....past every tree and sapling.
To a destination fuzzy and warm.
To Forever.

******************************************************************************************************************
Time flies every day.
I must make some notes.
Before I forget.

Prayer

This goes to everyone in my life.......every breathing soul i am in touch with, far and near....

There is a wishing star
on its way to retirement.
I am intending to catch
its last breath

I will pray for all of you
everyone..everything..everyday
There is still much to live for
No need for despair.

I see the wishing star
so frail and teary
it hurts
from seeing our pain

It will pray for me
that I may continue to love
all who are worthy and needy
No need for sadness.

To MH

Hey.
There are so many things to do in this world. Many many many, out of our reach.
Like the stars, the moon, the very ends of the gentlest wave.
Yet we are to go on, like clockwork, simply by virtue of the fact we are ALIVE.

You may say "clockwork" is so sad.
It emboodies a precision that routine-checks our lives and that, is so important.
We move on in spite of the setbacks, that is routine too, isn't it?

So let's do it. The courageous way we do it all our years of being alive.
I believe you can.

Words are words alone

Words
Cutting
Blades

I feel pain
A smile silhouetted in a blood red curse
forced matyrdom
when I only wanted a selfish happiness

Words
Decapitating
Tools

I see your grief
A shadow dissolving in a flood of tears
abused trust
something you bear heavily on your shoulders

Dear YZ....

be brave and hang in there, ok.
you are a fine gal and no one should doubt that except for those blind in the heart.

Moonshine

An invisible lustre
Lights up your eyes
In a flash
All is over

A call resonates like a echo in the valley
Every dream loses its voice
After you are gone

I see the moon
Shining
Darkening
A shadow of itself

To: MH.....take care of yourself

Rubber Band

Be a rubber band unto thyself.
Strength,
more strength,
yet more strength.

Smile at the hardships.
So that you may laugh at victory.

I think it makes so much sense, the allegory we should be a rubber band. To stretch and be stretched once again, in face of life's turmoils. There has to be hope and confidence, that things will better themselves, if we are conditioned to accept that in our hearts.

Paths

Our paths crossed
Under the old old tree.

You ae headed for somewhere
Me for another
The wind blows and our hands touched

I don't know if we can end up
In the same place forever
Whether our paths will remain
locked

*********************************************************************************************************************
I wish to cry out loud: "what is all these about???!!! i am misquotedmislovedmisunderstood !!!"

Dear W, I love you. But I am so afraid at the same time.
There is so much binding and tearing us apart simultaneously.....what am I to do?

Terminal

You trip over a baggage of Time.
Delayed.
Terminated.
Processing.
Departed.
Who are you waiting for?

How long have you dwelled in your realm?
Paid your rent.
Ate your heart before a stranger.
Smiled into space.

Living out of a suitcase.
How long have you been waiting?
For whom.
I hear my call for boarding
But I do not find my ticket.

Terminals are stops for Fate.
He comes in Hugo Boss
Masquerading as Bonaparte
Crying
Like a lost Soul

You leave for a dream
I come for a memory
We meet
At the Terminal

*****************************************************************************************************************
Watched Steven Spielberg's Terminal.
The concept of "waiting" is fascinating.
Tom Hanks? I felt myself teleported back to the "Forrest Gump" times....
Such enjoyment.

Fallen

Went for a jog.
Saw kids playing and laughing.
Smiles flying by me
Myself fallen.
By the innocent sight and sound,
Many things have not remained as they should.

To Live and not merely Exist.
I think I have failed my slogan.
I have fallen.
So hard, so often.
So painful.

Being Me

If there's a job that is more tedious
than Being Me
I'm the last to know.

Dear ME:

You are such a thought to entertain.
A physical form so weak and imperfect....you are just you.
Do learn from the best, would ya?
Look at a flower and smile. It's just looking and smiling, why think so much?

Look, I can't tender and walk away.
A shadow needs feeding and you are the fodder.
A life needs a shell to house it and you are the castle.

Me, you've gotta be strong, ok?
If there is a job more tedious than being Me, tell Me.
I won't go fer it! :P

Eulogy to the sky

The sky bathed in sunshine looks set to weep.
Maybe I have smiled too much
Is it time to cry?

I am starting to blog again..
who knows how long it'll stay..maybe forever, maybe nought :P
just like the sky..

i am penning an eulogy..for the blueness like a pastel spread.....silently sprawled in false cheer...who deems it true or false....i am not the authority of course.who is?

bloggie. bloogie. bloogiie.
Aw...a cloud floats by..singing a song. him or her. does it matter?
a song by coldplay...yellow.
clouds are nice..to the blue blue sky.

My blog goes to the sky today.....it's beautiful...

:)